Safewords

The use of safe words is popular during BDSM play. It would be fair to say that safe words have an almost religious importance to some couples engaging in BDSM play. But are they really necessary?

A safe word is a unique word that a person, usually a submissive, can utter during a BDSM session to stop a certain activity. The words ‘stop’ and ‘no’ do not work because those words are often part of BDSM play. Safe words are usually inane words that if uttered during a BDSM session are not mistaken for part of the play. A safe word could be ‘apple’ or ‘red’ or ‘frog’. It has to be a unique word that can immediately and unmistakably halt an action.

An excellent argument for safe words is that it prevents a BDSM session from going too far. The use of safe words can prevent both emotional and physical injury. However, I would argue that safe words are not really necessary for partners that have engaged in multiple play sessions. Safe words are excellent for newcomers to the BDSM world and couples that are new to each other. But for couples that have established trust, safe words seem superfluous. A Dominant should know and understand the hard limits of his/her submissive after several play sessions. But, more importantly, a Dominant should not rely on the safe words. A submissive may utter the safe word too late or a submissive may never utter it at all even though his or her limits have been pushed farther than they are comfortable with. On the other hand, a submissive may utter it too soon and too frequently and thus limits are never pushed. Therefore, for couples who have established trust and comfort it is probably best to set aside the safe words. Safe words are quick exits but sometimes suffering is considerably more sublime.